Subtext
by Bren Williams - Lady Brenlis
Summary: Kate awakens in Castle's bed...  An unusual, Season 3 post-finale fic.
1. Subtext

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p><em><strong>913/2011**_

_If you've read my longer story, As Good As On Paper, you may notice that I didn't take the time to dwell on this story, going through fifteen or more drafts per chapter. Sometimes you just have to bang it out and get it up or it'll never happen at all. _

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><p><em><strong>92/2011**_

Chapter One was deceptively easy to write. From rough draft to final, it was written and posted in just over 24 hours. Silly me, thinking chapter two would be the same. Part of the delay is... lots of conflict and tension between the characters. Another is, I love to explore nuances and allow a story grow and develop... _Subtext_ could take on a life of its own so easily. A third part of it is... I'd forgotten just how much hostility is out there... Regardless, I look forward to having more time to write this week.

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><p><strong><em>828/11 _**

_This post-finale fic is not at all how I expect the season four opener to go, but it has some interesting nuances I wanted to explore. This story is spoiler-free as far as season four goes but there are spoilers for the season 3 finale._

_Chapter two will be up soon (for me). Sooner if you remember to leave me a review. _**; - )**

_Special thanks to Cellogirl for sharing her medical expertise so I wouldn't have to guess and make things up as I go! For those of you who are interested, my premise is that the shot missed Kate's heart but damaged her lungs. Special thanks also go to 'Mr. Brenlis' for his generous feedback on the story. _

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><p><em><strong>Subtext <strong>_

_A Season Three Post-Finale Fic_

The gray light of early morning filtered through the draperies of Castle's bedroom window, falling on the foot of the bed. Its thin glow did little to illuminate the darkest recesses of the bedroom.

Kate sighed and stretched, wincing as she did, and modified the movement accordingly. She could not wait to have that chest tube out. Her gaze wandered over the room, drawn yet again to the lean and predatory lion staring back at her. The photo captivated her with its grace and power as it crouched as though stalking her, ready to spring. The low light added sensual detail to its muscles bunched beneath its tawny fur.

It captured her gaze every morning as she woke alone in Castle's bed. Well, sometimes alone. Sometimes he was already there with a tray of food, trying to mask that same predatory gleam, the hungry look in his eyes. She should have been alarmed by it. She wasn't. The first time it happened, she was so woozy and disoriented with the heavy pain meds, she thought she'd imagined it. But two days later, she caught him staring at her wearing one of his dress shirts, desire, and something more, plain in his unguarded gaze.

Staring at the lion now, its predatory hunger reminding her so much of the bed's usual occupant, she smiled, imagining, not for the first time, what it would be like if Castle reached for her with that same look in his eyes.

Hers drifted closed, smiling as the lion and Castle merged in her thoughts. The swift grace of the lion, his teeth nipping the tender flesh of her neck, or shoulder while she… offered no resistance.

Moments later, the ring of her cell phone shook her from her fantasy. "Beckett."

"Hey, Girl. Did I wake you?" It was Lanie, her life saver, in so many ways.

"No, I was awake. What's up?" Her voice was husky with disuse.

"I've got a damn cold." Lanie complained. "I'm not going to make it over to pull your chest tube this morning."

Kate bit her lip to avoid voicing the groan of disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I know how much you hate having that thing in." Then an unusually cheerful note slid into her voice. "Tell Castle I'm going to miss making goo goo eyes at him."

It was enough for things to click into place. "Esposito is there with you, isn't he?"

Lanie giggled, "Busted! Tell Castle, Javie _might_ let me come over tomorrow, but he's holding me hostage this morning."

Kate smile was sincere. "Tell Esposito, thanks for being patient with this charade."

"I will. And he gets it. Can't let those dirt bags know where you are, or if you're alive." She paused and a note of concern entered her voice. "You doing okay? Keeping the wound clean?"

"Yeah, but I was looking forward to a shower," Kate finally admitted.

"I don't blame you. I'm sure Castle would be only too happy to help you bathe." Lanie giggled.

"I'm sure." Kate agreed. "I might have Josh come over. He hates not being able to see me."

"What _he_ hates is you hiding out at _Castle's!_ Too bad he's not _gay_. _He_ could be the one faking an affair with Castle instead of me!"

"God!" Kate tried to stifle a giggle. "Those two could never pull it off!"

"Be honest now, it might be fun to let them try…" More laughter from the phone and she could hear Esposito joining in.

"Oh God! Lanie, don't make me laugh!"

Neither could speak for several moments, which Kate spent trying to suppress her giggles and wincing in pain. Finally, "Ask Javie if there's been any more suspicious eyes around Castle's place."

The answer came a moment later, "No, everything's quiet."

"Good." Kate breathed a sigh of relief. Her gaze wandered to the lion again. "Lanie, thanks for making the trip to check on me every day. I—I can't thank you enough."

"Honey, you're welcome. What are friends for?"

"I owe you, big time."

She heard the low rumble of Esposito's voice and Lanie's answering giggle. "Javie says it's him you owe, for putting up with that bullshit with Castle."

Kate smiled. "Probably true."

Lanie giggled again, "I gotta go."

Kate's smile was wistful. "Okay. See you."

In the stillness of the empty apartment she gradually became aware of the increasing sounds of traffic as the city woke around her. Sounds from the kitchen followed.

She briefly contemplated waiting for Castle's strong arm to help her sit up before deciding to try it on her own. She rolled to her side, sucked in several deep breaths, grunted and grimaced as she dangled her legs over the bed's edge, rising when her feet hit the floor. She stood there, panting for a moment, waiting for the pain to fade. It was getting easier, slowly. She stared at the masculine comforter on the unmade bed. _If someone told me I'd spend two weeks sleeping alone in Castle's bed_, _I'd never believed it._

The poster of the bull elephant caught her eye and she briefly wondered what Castle was trying to say about himself. She smiled, a modified version of her earlier fantasy tingling her thoughts but she pushed it aside at the knock on her door and reached for the robe draped over the chair. This was getting easier too, she noted, managing to not only sling it over her shoulders but get both arms through the sleeves—gasping. Too much pre-pain-killer activity.

"Come in," she grunted, pushing her tousled hair back from her face.

He appeared with rumpled bed hair, the sleeves of his T-shirt clinging to his biceps. "Coffee, toast, and Percocet: the Breakfast of Champions!" He set the tray on the night stand and handed her one of the steaming mugs.

"Thank you." Their fingertips brushed as she took it from him and sat on the edge of the rumpled bed. He claimed his usual chair.

"You didn't wait for me," he commented.

"It's gotten a lot easier," She exaggerated.

"Managed your robe as well, I see."

"Almost like new." She gave him a satisfied smile as she sipped her coffee.

"Right." He agreed sardonically, observing her reactions. "That's why you're sweaty."

The corner of her mouth curved upward, and she reached for the toast.

"_You_ may be looking forward to being able to dress yourself again, but _I_, on the other hand, am _dreading_ it." That gleam was in his eye again, belying the harmless flirting with an undertone of danger.

Her lips parted to tease him back, but right now, sitting on his bed, in her current state of partial undress, vulnerability, and arousal, and with _him_ looking so damn sexy, so _predatory_… She changed the subject instead. "Lanie called. She's not coming today."

"Ah. Maybe I shouldn't have sent her home with diamonds yesterday."

Kate was about to sip from her mug but lowered it instead, her eyes narrowed. "You didn't…"

He was all innocence. "I gave them to her in the lobby. Eduardo and half a dozen passerby saw." He sipped from his coffee, unconcerned until he noticed her stare. "What?"

"You _didn't!"_

"It's part of the sham, _and_ a thank you gift."

She set her mug back on the tray. "Castle, Lanie is dating _Esposito_."

"I know that. It's a thank you gift for her help. Why are you staring at me like that? She's been here every day for ten days straight, changing your bandages, helping you bathe… She deserves it."

All Kate could do is shake her head. "She did it for _me_, Castle, not you."

"Maybe I have diamonds for you too." His voice was low and husky as he watched her over the rim of his mug. Legs stretched out in front of him as he lounged, a smile flirting with his mouth...

What she was about to say went right out of her head and she stared at him instead. An odd feeling stirred in her, a feeling telling her something wasn't right, that she was missing something. She lowered her gaze, frowning at the thick nap of the carpet between them.

"Sometimes I get this odd feeling," she began, "like we're actors playing a scene, only _I'm_ missing key subtext."

Castle lowered his mug, staring at her uncertainly. "What do you mean?"

Her brow furrowed in frustration. "Sometimes you say things to me and I feel like I'm missing something. Like someone said or did something that I don't remember. Something important."

His face was somber and she knew, she _knew,_ he held the key to whatever it was she was missing. "I see," was all he said.

"There!" She was on her feet again. "You know something I don't! Something I'm supposed to know!"

He'd been so cheerful earlier. Now, sadness weighed his spirits down as he stared into his mug, not meeting her eyes.

"Castle—"

But he interrupted, his voice so quiet that she instantly knew there _was_ something important. And he was about to tell her.

"What do you remember about the moment you were shot?"

"Nothing."

His eyes probed hers. "Nothing?"

"I remember hitting the deck. Your face… I knew it was bad, cause you looked so scared." She waited for him to speak again. "Did something happen, other than me ruining the funeral by _dying?"_

His voice was infinitely gentle as he set his coffee down, rubbing his palms against his thighs. "Kate—"

The doorbell rang, jarring them both. Their eyes met, widening in an identical response to danger.

"Could it be Alexis or Martha?" Kate was already reaching beneath the mountain of pillows for her pistol.

He rose to his feet. "No, they're safe in the Hamptons, clamming."

The smooth steel of her weapon instantly calmed her nerves. She could handle this—so long as it didn't get physical. She nodded at Castle who moved to the door. The predatory grace was back.

"Could it be your dad?" he asked.

"Let's hope so," she muttered grimly.

The doorbell rang again and Castle moved to the door, glancing at her as his hand rested on the knob.

She eased the safety off and raised the pistol, right wrist gauntleted in the left, feet apart… she grimaced against the discomfort of holding the heavy gun aloft but she covered him, taking careful aim, ready for whoever came through the door. She saw her own thought echoed in his eyes… Why the hell didn't he have a peep-hole in his door?

She nodded, indicating she was ready.

He cracked the door, peering through the narrow opening. His eyebrows raised in recognition, if not pleasure. "Oh," is all he said, closing the door to unlatch the chain, reopening it without so much as looking at her. She held her mark anyway.

"Hello, Josh," Castle greeted him without a smile, resignedly stepping aside to allow Dr. Josh Davidson entrance.

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><p><em>So what did you think? Favorite parts or constructive criticism? <em>

_Please leave a review and tell me what you think. _


	2. Walls

**_September 12, 2011_**

_FYI, I didn't make up the door joining Castle's bedroom and office. You can see it for yourself in set photos._

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><p><em><strong>Walls<strong>_

**_Chapter Two_**

Castle's bedroom door clicked shut behind them, leaving Rick burning with anger and alone in his own living room.

_Goddamn!_ he raged inwardly, staring at the closed door where Kate had disappeared with her overgrown boyfriend. Who did he think he was, showing up unannounced at his door, sequestering himself with Kate in… _God! What are they doing in there?_

Josh was her doctor, of course he'd want to examine the incision, remove the chest tube that gave Kate so much discomfort. Which would involve removing her clothing. Waves of jealousy washed over him again. He _knew_ where _that_ would lead. God, what man could gaze at Kate, clothed or otherwise, and _not_ want her?

He dropped onto his sofa, heedless of the blankets strewn about, his face in his hands. Would she do it? Would she lie with Josh in Rick's bed? God, he hoped not. He wanted to believe she returned his feelings, but now, she truly seemed unaware of those words fate had twisted and wrenched out of him as she lay bleeding out in the grass at Montgomery's funeral. He closed his eyes against the painful memory. She _knew_, she _had_ to know how he felt. Didn't she?

He collapsed against the back of the sofa, lines painfully etched into his features. He tried to think of other things, to have faith in the deepening intimacy between him and Kate, but his cursed imagination, a strength for the best-selling author, a bane as he imagined them entwined in _his_ bed… _God no!_ He had to stop this self-inflicted torture.

Abruptly, he rose and gathered up his bedding, not bothering to fold it; he dropped it in an out-of-the-way corner of his office. He turned to go, but his eyes were drawn to the bedroom door sandwiched between bookshelves on the room's far end.

He took a step toward it, then another… If he could just listen for a moment and hear what they're saying to each other, and what they _aren't…_

He hesitated, mere feet away. She would kill him if she found out, and he didn't want to know. Not really. He sighed and looked heavenward. He'd have to wait, and trust that she wouldn't let him down.

In the meantime, when they came out of the bedroom, he wanted to look and feel his best, Rick scowled as he headed for the stairs, none of this standing next to Josh smelly, barefoot, _and_ with bed hair. Shower Time.

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><p><em>Flashback about 5-7 days... <em>

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><p>Kate's hair was piled on top of her head to keep it out of the way while she washed herself in the bathtub. Her movements were hurried, though she was careful to keep her incisions and tubing dry as she listened to Lanie's side of a phone call.<p>

Lanie jotted something down in a notebook then shook her head, her lovely face grim as she clicked her phone off. "I have to go."

The bar of soap slid out of Kate's hand, splashing into the shallow water with a graceless plop, "Wha—Lanie, sure, but, you can, you can help me get—"

But her friend was already reaching for her blazer. "I _can't! _I'm not even supposed to_ be _on this side of town! If I'm late to another crime scene my boss will have me _over_ a barrel! And this one is all the way over on the Upper East Side."

"Lanie!" Kate's voice bordered on shrill. "I can't get out of the bathtub by myself!"

"I know, Baby," Lanie soothed as she tugged the jacket on.

"You can't leave me like this!"

"Honey, I've been called in. I have to go. Castle's here, he can help you—"

"Castle—" Kate gulped, shrinking back against the ceramic tub.

"I'll send him in on my way out."

"Lanie!"

But she was gone, the thick carpet masking the click her heels.

Feeling vulnerable and alone, Kate frantically imagined Castle lifting her naked body out of the tub. She closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing hard. _There has _got _to be another way…_ She sat straight up, her eyes snapping open as she assessed her options.

Could she do it on her own? She shifted in the tub, leaning far forward, hoping to get her feet under her… and nearly pitched over sideways, her arms unable to hold her weight only days after the shooting and surgery.

At the same moment, his hesitant voice called her name from just outside the bathroom door.

"Hang on," she answered, keeping her voice level as she eyed the towels hanging on a rack between the tub and the door. If she could just drain the tub… She scooted forward, straining to reach the drain switch…

"Castle?" she finally called as the last of the bathwater swirled down the drain. "Close your eyes and come here… please."

He entered, hesitantly, eyes tightly shut. "Kate, I don't know how much help I can be with my eyes closed."

"Hand me a towel."

He hesitated, then a crooked smile appeared as he fumbled for the towel rack. "Do you get the feeling we've been in this situation before?"

Almost, Kate wanted to smile but her lips were pressed firmly together. "At least the apartment isn't burning down around us," she muttered finally, watching him draw a clean towel off the rack.

"Always the silver lining." He agreed, smiling faintly. "Here you go." He held the towel out in her general direction.

Kate strained to reach it, gasping at the pain in her ribs. She drew her arm back, wincing.

"Are you—" His eyes flickered open in concern.

"_Castle!"_

He closed them again.

"Come closer."

He shuffled forward and at last she grasped the towel, watching him closely as she hurriedly wrapped it around her, adjusting it to be sure everything was covered. She let out a sigh, feeling better already. "Okay, you can open your eyes." She sounded calmer than she felt as he looked down at her. "Help me get my feet under me, please."

He crouched beside the tub uncertainly.

"Wrap your arm around my waist."

He did as she asked without hesitation. As he leaned closer the spicy scent of his aftershave grew stronger.

Her heart was pounding as she caught her lower lip between her teeth.

"I don't want to hurt you," he murmured. "Maybe I should pick you up?"

"No," she interrupted, not daring to meet his eyes when he was this close. "Just help me get my feet under me. My arms can't take my weight."

"Alright, on three. One, two, _three…"_

He lifted and she scrambled to find purchase on the slippery ceramic, wincing at the pressure of his arm squeezing her rib cage. And then, she was rising from a crouch, still clutching the towel around her.

"I hurt you." His arm was still around her waist.

"No," she gasped, still avoiding his eyes as she panted, "I'm fine." But she clutched at his forearms far too tightly.

He ignored the lie but kept his arm around her waist.

"I can take it from here." She tried to draw away, snugging the towel tighter under her arms.

"I'll just stay till you're out of the tub." His tone was calm and implacable.

"Castle, I can—"

"No arguing. I'm staying." He gripped her waist firmly. "Whenever you're ready."

She bit her lip and nodded. But the furrows on her forehead eased somewhat.

"Put your hands on my shoulders for balance. I'll make sure you don't fall." His voice was gentle but confident and she followed his instructions, finally meeting his serious blue eyes.

He took a tiny step closer, to the tub. She glanced at the floor, and back to his eyes, back at the floor, biting her lip. She lifted one foot over the rim of the tub… such a long way down…

There was a squeak of flesh against porcelain as her foot skidded on its smooth, wet surface, and she pitched forward with a little cry. His arms tightened on her waist and he braced her against his upper body.

"It's okay. I've got you."

Her arms tightened around his neck as she squeezed her eyes shut against the pressure on the chest tube and pain of impact. Her brow furrowed where it rested against the crook of his neck and his shirt absorbed any tears that might have escaped.

"Castle…" she moaned through gritted teeth

"I've got you," he murmured into her hair again as she dragged her hind leg out of the tub. Several minutes passed as he held her tightly against him.

At last she straightened, avoiding his gaze as she muttered, "Thanks." She pulled away only to see the tender look he gave her, reflected in the mirror. _God, Castle…_ she thought, unwilling to name the emotions overwhelming her. She pushed a loose tendril behind an ear and looked around, desperate for _something_ to busy herself with.

He lifted a striped bathrobe off a hook on the back of the door. "How about a bathrobe?" He held it open for her, waiting.

She met his gaze at last, realizing how hard he was trying to make her comfortable and her lips curved into a tiny smile. It was all she could manage under the circumstances, but his answering smile warmed her.

He did not need to ask twice as she slid her arms into the sleeves and belted it seconds later, allowing the towel to fall from beneath the robe to her feet. She sighed in relief at being decently covered again.

"Thank you," she whispered, wrapping the robe more tightly around her, hiding even the incision down the middle of her chest.

One finger tilted her chin so that her eyes met his, "Always." His were tender and guileless, melting the stubborn independent wall she'd constructed around herself. She drew in a ragged breath.

"Let's get you dressed." The blue eyes twinkled at her and for a second she forgot to breathe.

It was back, that hint of flirtation, the predatory interest. It drew her in… and scared her silly. The pay-as-you-go phone he'd procured for her use trilled and she broke away with both reluctance and relief. _Let it be Josh, let it be Josh…_ she chanted to herself. A smile broke over her face at the familiar number, and she gave Castle not a glance as she put the phone to her ear, forcing brightness in her voice as she answered, "Josh, hi."

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><p>Rick sighed as he turned away, scooping up the discarded towel and dropping it in the hamper, tidying as he listened to Kate's chatter. It was the same every day. She described any subtle changes in her condition, asked about his work, exaggerating Lanie's helpfulness while downplaying Castle's. Again, he wondered if she shaded her words to spare Josh's feelings or because she wanted to keep the growing intimacy of their relationship quiet?<p>

He sighed as he entered his closet, selecting a shirt for Kate. What would Josh say if he saw Kate wearing Rick's clothes? A grim smile curved his lips as he remembered the temper Josh concealed at Kate's funeral, just two days ago. He'd sidled up to Rick after the graveside service, demanding to see Kate, hissing when Rick refused him access. Josh's face flushed and he'd drawn himself to his full height, his fists clenched.

Then Jim Beckett stepped between them, reminding them sharply of what was at stake. Rick nodded and turned away. Josh did not approach Rick again, but stood beside Jim in the receiving line, whose haggard face was lined with stress which would be easily interpreted as grief.

Rick hadn't wanted to be there, preferring to stay with Kate at home, but Jim had been adamant. People would look for Richard Castle at Kate Beckett's funeral and his absence would be remarked on. So it was Lanie who stayed at the loft with Kate while her nearest and dearest pretended grief for anyone who might be watching, bullet proof vests beneath their own dress blues, and suits.

Arriving home, he walked Lanie to the curb, and was about to put her in a cab, when something caught his attention down the street. Almost, he stared too long, then caught himself and turned back to Lanie.

"Play along, someone's watching," he'd told her just before he took her in his arms and lay a long, _dry_ kiss on her. She stiffened with shock, but managed to put her arms around him. He'd apologized later over the phone, and sent his mother and Alexis to the Hamptons the next morning.

There was no more talk of Josh visiting Kate after that, and even Jim stayed away.

She didn't seem to mind. They settled into a kind of routine. Lanie came when she could to change bandages and help Kate dress, or undress, as necessary. She even stayed the night last night. Ostensibly, it was to lend the appearance of her supposed affair with Castle credence. But lying on the couch late that night, listening to them giggling in his bedroom… He knew it was part of Kate's therapy. And so the days passed.

"You too. Bye."

Rick broke from his reverie as Kate lay the pay-as-you-go phone aside and rose from the edge of the bed.

"Josh says hi," she teased.

"Sure he does." Rick frowned, noting her improved mood. Ordinarily, that was a good thing, but after a call from Josh? "Let's finish getting you dressed." He gestured to the leggings he'd brought from Alexis's room, adding a clean pair of panties and waggled his brows.

Kate eyed them thoughtfully, then gave him a level stare. "I think I can manage."

"Can you?" He quirked a brow at her. "I was under the impression pulling leggings on would be a bit uncomfortable for you."

"I'll take a chance." Kate shooed him away, her smile hiding trepidation.

Rick lingered. "At least let me help with your panties."

"I'll yell if I need you."

"Fine." He picked up her breakfast tray. "I'll be back in five minutes." He ignored her worried frown, but one of his own appeared as he left the room.

She sounded breathless and weak when he rapped on his own bedroom door five minutes later.

"What?"

"Let's play some poker."

When she spoke again, her voice was tight and high, bordering on hysteria. "Castle, I—"

He didn't let her finish. "We'll play _Reverse Strip_ Poker. I win, I get to help you put one item of clothing on."

There was a long silence. "What if I win?"

A smile stretched over his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. "You get to help me take one item of _my_ clothing _off_."

Her voice was softer, more at ease when she spoke again. "Come in."

She sat on the bed's edge, wearing the shirt he'd laid out and Alexis's leggings around her ankles. She didn't argue as he knelt before her, pulling them over her knees. He could only assume she'd managed the panties alone as there was no sign of them. They stood as he pulled the leggings the rest of the way up, the tails of the dress shirt keeping her decently covered.

"Thank you," she whispered, finally meeting his eyes.

"You're welcome." His wandered over her face, noting the strain and shadows around her eyes. "Time for a Percocet?"

She nodded wearily, "And a nap."

"Together or…"

She swatted his arm then got into the bed. "Just go."

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><p><em>The final chapter (3) should be up before the season opener next Monday!<em>

_ I love hearing your thoughts about the story, characters, where it's been and where it's going. Please leave a review. _


	3. Clarity

**_September 15, 2011_**

_Thanks to Cellogirl for assisting with her medical knowledge for this chapter._

_I do not own these characters, you know the drill. _

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><p><em><strong>Clarity<strong>_

_Chapter Three_

Josh's chocolate brown pants and shirt looked right at home in the warm colors of the loft, Kate noted to herself. Not that she dared tell _him_ that.

His eyebrows furrowed as he scanned the bedroom as he entered. "Is this, _Castle's_ room?" There was an unpleasant edge to his voice and Kate sighed inwardly.

"Yes," she answered sliding her pistol back under the pillows. "It's the only main level bedroom. I'm not safe on the stairs…" she shrugged, noticing how Josh scrutinized the bed, specifically, the way the sheets were only pulled back on one side.

"You're sleeping in his bed."

"_Alone." _She didn't bother concealing her testiness with the subject matter.

He nodded as he looked around at the masculine décor, his eyes lingering on the charging bull elephant. He gave a derisive snort. "I wonder what he's compensating for…"

Her voice was cold, _"Really?"_

Josh sighed and gestured helplessly with his palms up. "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm being an ass. It's just, I hate the fact that you're staying _here_ when you should be with _me_, and a professional nurse."

The old argument. "You know why. We can't risk anyone else knowing. And you can't suddenly stay home without attracting attention."

Josh sighed and nodded, acknowledging the truth he'd been unable to change, even as he railed against it. "But you're healing…"

She cut him off. "Josh, you have to realize that disguised or not, your presence increases the risk to Castle and I."

"How is that?" The set of his jaw shifted, stubbornly.

"A UPS delivery man who spends an hour or _more_ making a delivery? You don't think an assassin worth his salt is going to notice that? Won't investigate?"

"Kate—"

"Do you have _any_ idea how _careful_ we've had to be?"

"Kate, I'm sorry. I just—" he moved toward her, brushing one long finger over the hollow of her cheek. "I miss you. And I hate not being able to see you."

Luminous green eyes met his and for a second he seemed to forget what he was about to say. His fingers slid into her hair, cupping her cheek with his enormous palm. "Kate," he whispered as he lowered his head to brush his lips across hers.

"Josh, I, I don't—" she looked everywhere but at him. But his eyes were already closed as he pulled her gently against him, his lips exploring hers a second time, her name a whisper between them. He caught her lower lip between his teeth and sucked ever so slightly, before teasing her mouth open.

Kate's hands lighted on his shoulders, unsure whether to push him away or give in to her growing passion. She'd spent too many idle hours thinking about—Castle. She shook her head, ending the kiss. "Mmm, no." She stepped back, needing distance between them, painfully aware of her heart racing. _God it's been too long…_ She wanted him—er… " Did she? She pushed a shaking hand through her uncombed hair. "Josh, I," She swallowed, trying to order her thoughts.

"What's wrong?"

"I, I was hoping you'd, you will remove my chest tube." True enough and it would give her time to think… with him viewing her _unclothed_. _Damn. _

"Sure. Normally it'd be out days ago, but under the circumstances…" He took a step toward her and laid his hand on the belt of Castle's robe. "Is this _his_ robe?" She heard the scowl in his voice and bit her lip.

"What did you expect me to do? Walk around naked? His clothes are easier for me to manage alone." She hated how defensive she sounded, how uncertain she felt with him here. Why couldn't he have stayed away?

The robe fell open and he pushed the opening wider. His eyes studied the long vertical scar down the center of her chest. "Your incision is healing well. It's going to be red for a while yet. Are you using bacitracin on the wound? Good. That will minimize the scarring." It was her doctor and not her lover who stood before her, studying her bare chest with clinical detachment. "When was your last Percocet?" His warm brown eyes flicked up to hers.

"Um, a half hour ago."

"Good, it's had time to take effect." He studied the tube disappearing into her ribcage , below her right breast. "This is going to hurt a little. Take a deep breath and hold it…" He carefully peeled the adhesive tape away and then pulled gently on the tube, holding gauze over the top, ready to apply.

She let the breath out, wincing as she did.

He was ready with the tape, which he'd pulled from his pocket. "Once a boy scout, always a boy scout" he muttered as he secured the gauze over the small round hole the tubing left behind. And they were done.

"I feel better already," she commented sarcastically, pulling the edges of the robe together.

He stopped her. "Not so fast…" He reached inside the robe to curl his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. The professional detachment utterly gone from the wicked smile he now gave her.

She wanted to smile back at him. She _should _be basking in these moments alone. Instead, her stomach tightened into knots and she felt uneasy.

Castle's robe fell at her feet while Josh's gaze wandered over her. "You are still so beautiful," he whispered.

"Josh, I, this isn't really the time." She bit her lip. Two weeks ago, she'd have had his shirt off already. Two weeks ago… it seemed a lifetime ago. He dropped a chaste kiss on her mouth. "Leave the robe, Kate. I brought you something."

"You did?"

He smiled in answer as he retrieved the package he'd _delivered_ this morning. "Two somethings, actually." He set it before her, still smiling.

Kate badly wanted to cover herself.

Josh produced a Leatherman and slit the box open, sliding it across the maroon comforter to her. She peered inside, pushing the flaps aside, and grasped a shapeless mass of plaid flannel. She frowned, "What is this?"

He nuzzled her behind one ear. "A nightgown. One you can safely wear around _Castle."_ The special emphasis he used on the final word made his meaning abundantly clear.

Kate wasn't sure she'd wear it around her father, let alone Castle! It was that ugly. "Wow, Josh. That's, that's um,very, thoughtful."

"It's hideous," he corrected, his dimples appearing momentarily. "But that's the general idea. There's something else in there." The flat of his hand made long circular movements on her lower back just above her panties. "Something for _now,_" he whispered.

One part of Kate enjoyed his touch, was hungry for more. The rest of her wanted to yank the ugly plaid nightgown over her head and back away. Instead, she peered into the box again and pulled out a bundle of black satin and lace.

"Oh," she said as it unwound, slithering over her arms. "Oooohhh!" she breathed. "Ca—Josh, I, it's beautiful. I don't know how to thank you…"

"That's easy," he whispered, his lips at her ear. "Put it on." His voice was throaty and low, as he pulled her against him for a kiss. He helped her slide the gown over her head and adjust it till he stepped back, smiling. "Damn."

She met his gaze questioningly.

"Sorry, it's just you look…" He pulled her to him, letting her feel just how much he enjoyed the sight of her. There was no escaping his kiss this time. She didn't want to. He plundered her mouth as his hands roamed over her back, her hips, cupping one breast, his thumb teasing the nipple into a stiff peak through the lace.

For a moment, Kate was lost in his touch, loving the feel of his long hard body against her. His lips trailed over her jaw, nipping at her neck, she gasped as his teeth sank in, marking her.

Her eyes fluttered open, catching sight of the lean predatory lion on the wall. His long sharp teeth were only just visible and he looked angry now, ready to pounce on her. She closed her eyes, but the lion still prowled her thoughts. No, not the lion.

Castle.

How would Castle feel if she and Josh… in his bed? "God," she groaned but Josh mistook it for pleasure. Almost she gave into it. Josh was her boyfriend, Castle, her partner. Why the hell did this feel like an infidelity?

Because it wasn't Josh she wanted, not in _this_ bed. She'd imagined herself making love in this bed too many times, but never to Josh. What must Castle be thinking about her and Josh alone in his room?

"Josh," she broke their kiss, but he busied himself elsewhere. "Josh," she snapped, this time with the unmistakable ring of authority. His head snapped up.

"What?"

"Josh, we can't. You need to go."

"What—Why? What's wrong?"

She walked away, her hands pressed to her forehead. "This is wrong."

"_Why?_ You're _allowed_ conjugal visits, Kate." He reached for her, but she evaded him, shaking her head.

"I can't. Not here."

There was a long, tension filled silence and when he spoke, his voice was quiet, masking anger and hurt. _"Here?_ Why shouldn't you be with your boyfriend _here?_"

_I can't be with you in Castle's bed._ Kate paced the room, her hand pressed firmly against her mouth as though to keep herself from uttering the words aloud. She wanted to say it, but the truth was she didn't want to be with him anywhere.

"What's wrong with _here_? Because _Castle_ won't like it? _God! _I _knew_ that guy was hot for you. Why else would he keep following you around, putting his life in danger—"

"Josh—"

"Let me ask you something, Kate, why the hell would a _friend_, a guy like _Castle_, have a problem with you having sex with your boyfriend while staying as a guest?"

"Josh—"

"A _friend_ wouldn't care. So if you're trying to spare his feelings you're wasting your time. C'mon. It's time we move you to my place."

She stared at him aghast. _"—What?"_

"I'm not leaving you with him. You've got to quit leading him on."

"_No!" _

He stared at her, stunned.

"Josh, I'm not leaving."

"What the hell, Kate?" He took two steps closer to her, his voice sounded tight, "Are you _cheating_ on me?"

"_No!"_ Her reply was emphatic.

"Then what is it with you guys?"

Kate drew in a deep breath, and let it out. "I don't know."

He crossed his arms.

"So you're saying there _is_ something?"

She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again, so tired of denying it, to Josh, to Esposito, Castle, herself… She knew what she wanted, and what she didn't. "Yes," she admitted at last, her gaze steady.

His face flushed red and his fist clenched tightly. He looked as if he wanted to punch something.

He took several deep breaths, his broad shoulders heaving. After a long, tense moment, he turned back to her, demanding, "How long has this _something_ been there?"

She was in awe of her own peace and calm. But Josh… She sighed, staring at her toes peeking out from beneath the long hem of the night gown. "Josh, I…"

How could she have let this happen? Josh, Dear Josh was hurting. God, she hadn't meant to string him along. Her brow furrowed as she searched for words. Sadly, she shook her head. "Josh, I'm sorry. I should have ended this—" she bit her lip, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry. This isn't fair to you."

A long silence fell between them as he stared at her, his arms crossed over his chest. "Kate," he drew in a deep breath and she could guess how much it cost him to retain his composure. "If I leave _now_, it's over."

She nodded, whispering, "I know." There was no hint of regret or second thoughts.

Their eyes met for one long moment and she saw the hurt and resignation in his eyes. As she stepped carefully toward him, his arms slowly unfolded till they dangled at his side.

She stepped nearer, rested her hands on his chest and raised up on tiptoe. He bent his head and their lips met in one last, gentle kiss. His hands rested on her hips for but a moment before she ended it, brushing his ear as she whispered, "Be happy," and stepped away.

He stared into her eyes for another long moment before nodding. He turned to go, scooping up the wig and fake beard he'd worn to the loft.

"There's a bathroom," she pointed, indicating the general direction. He looked back, nodded again and closed the door behind him.

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><p><em>There's more to come, of course. But I'm not satisfied with the final scene, so I thought I'd keep it a while yet, do another rewrite… So much for not getting too perfectionistic with this story! <em>

**_Favorite parts? Constructive Criticism? If I tell you this is the end of Josh would you leave me a review? _**


	4. Better a Gibbon Than a Lion  Alt Ending

**_April 23, 2012_**

__Please keep your sense of humor while reading! This is merely a humorous alternate ending. The real ending is next!__

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><p><span>Disclaimer:<span> All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p><em><strong>Better a Gibbon Than a Lion<strong>_

Kate pushed her hair back from her face, feeling woozy. Josh was gone from her life, at last. She smiled, wondering what Castle would say. Best of all, Josh wasn't the only thing gone, so was her chest tube! Her smile widened, stretching with minimal pain, _at last!_ And now a shower… She could hardly wait!

Her movements were quick and purposeful as she went into the bathroom. Amazing how much easier it was to get the damn nightgown off without the damn tube in her! The gown in a black puddle on the bathroom floor, she opened the shower door and considered the controls. Leave it to Castle to have a shower reminiscent of a drive through carwash. All it lacked was the beaters and brushes. She managed to turn on all nine shower heads at once, stepping in to nirvana.

Thirty minutes later, she'd washed and dried her hair. _All by myself,_ she smirked in satisfaction. She'd hated being so dependent on Castle and Lanie for _everything!_

Now that the tube was out, maybe she'd be able to manage some more appropriate clothes. But in the meantime, his dress shirt would do. She selected the purple striped shirt that she loved to see him in, and buttoned it up to cover the incision. On second thought, she undid the two top buttons. Castle was used to seeing her incision, and… she popped one more button. It wouldn't hurt to give him a hint or two.

Next, she turned to the dresser drawer he'd cleared out for her use. Two clean pairs of leggings awaited her, and several bikini underwear. She shoved the drawer closed without touching either. She checked her appearance in the mirror, fluffed her hair and headed for the bedroom door.

She couldn't keep from smiling as she pulled the door open. The smile slid off her face at the sound of voices. _Women's _voices!

_What the hell? _ She peered around the corner to see Castle seated on the sofa, but not alone. Rick himself was filling three goblets of wine, saying, "Now ladies, there's plenty of me to go around…"

"I get the bottom half," said Natalie Rhodes, suggestively.

"As long as there's plenty of clearance around his _head_… you can _have _it!" Ellie Monroe shot back.

Kate's jaw dropped open. "Son of a bitch." A crazy feeling of déjà vu hit her and she turned on her heel and stalked back into the bedroom. Staring at that stupid lion, she remembered studying them in prep school, reading how one male lion serviced any number of females, calling the entire family unit a _pride_.

"Pride, hell." She marched over to the bed, pulling something out from under the pillows, and headed for the living room.

Taking careful aim, she spoke loudly, "Richard Castle?"

He looked up in surprise, only he had to push Ellie off his lap in order to see her.

"Kate!" His jaw dropped open in shock as he took in the pistol pointed at his jewels, and the grim set of her mouth telling him, she meant business.

Ellie screamed

Natalie gasped. "Detective Beckett, right now you need to think about the people who love you."

Kate shot her first, then Ellie.

She pointed the pistol at his chest, and his fickle heart. "Pray you come back as a _gibbon_, Castle. _They_ mate for _life_."

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><p><em> <em>You know I love you, right? <em>_

__While publishing _**Subtext**_, I was a bit taken aback by the intense animosity toward Josh, aka Dr. Criscohead. _(Really?)_ After reading numerous reviews in that vein to my husband, evil man that he is, he _begged_ me to write this chapter to finish the story off. Well, I knew I couldn't leave the story there, so the next chapter is a lovely, romantic finish for this story. ___ The real ending is next!_

_Dare I ask for reviews? _


	5. Moth to a Flame

**_September 19, 2011_**

_This is as far as I intend to take this story at this time. Someday, I may get bored and add something, but ideas are the easy part. It's time that's the issue, and I've got a novel to resolve. (As Good As On Paper)_

__You might have noticed my __**Pen Name Change**__—Please see my profile for details.__

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><p><em><strong>The Moth to the Flame<strong>_

_Chapter Four_

She lay in wait for him.

The blinds, still drawn from the night before, cast the loft in dimness as he came down the stairs, freshly showered and alert for any sound or movement from his bedroom. There were none, for she was not there.

He paused on the landing, staring at the open door with unwavering fascination, not moving for a long moment, as he struggled to interpret the open door and the apparently empty room beyond.

She watched, unseen.

She knew the instant it occurred to him that she might have left, his eyes widened, and mouth turned down. The sudden fear spurred him into action, and he leaped the bottom steps, calling her name.

Her mouth opened, as though to answer, but no sound came out. The two faint creases between her eye brows deepened and she straightened as though to rise.

But he disappeared from her view, calling her name repeatedly.

She settled back, waiting, wetting her lips as though tasting his call for meaning.

Changes in voice pitch signaled his movement from his bedroom suite to the more open office. She glimpsed her quarry through the openings of the bookshelves, hunting for her, not yet aware that he'd become her prey.

It was not until he reappeared in his office doorway, perplexed, anxious, that she knew the answer. It was there in the roundness of his eyes, the flush of his cheeks, and that particular note in his voice as he hovered on the edge of something she did not wish to witness.

"Kate!" he called again, scanning the kitchen and dining area for her.

"I'm here," she answered, her voice quiet, only just carrying to his ears.

He whirled in her direction to find her seated at the piano in the dark corner, facing him, her eyes fathomless. Waiting. It seemed she'd been waiting forever, her dark eyes holding secrets, beckoning to him.

For a long moment, his eyes wandered over her, noting his favorite maroon shirt over her usual leggings. Her hair, brushed now, tumbled around her shoulders, and her eyes watchful in the dimness.

When he finally spoke there was a catch in his voice. "Hey," he feigned nonchalance. "I—I didn't see you."

She did not speak, her eyes glittering as she watched him.

"So, Josh… he left?"

There was a flicker of something in her eyes. "He left," she affirmed.

He approached her then, trying to read her expression. "You okay?"

"Yeah." The corners of her mouth twitched, as she pushed her hair back from her face. "Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled then, and he drew closer. "Never better, in fact."

There was a long moment as his sharp eyes took in every nuance of her appearance, finally letting out a heavy sigh. "I see he helped you dress."

"No."

His eyes widened and he almost smiled. "Ah." He shifted, seeming to stand a little taller.

Her eyes dropped to the wadded up nightgown in his hand. He caught her glance, gesturing toward it. "You want to tell me about this?"

Her lips twitched. "No."

He quirked a brow and waited. There was a long silence.

She finally gave him a sidelong look, as if to say, _I know what you're doing, and it won't work._ Then the corners of his mouth turned up, and then hers. Then they were both smiling, all unexpected, and warm and… and…

She shook her head, scooting over to make room for him on the bench. "It was a gift from Josh."

"Ah," his smile vanished as he sat, shifting awkwardly, looking anywhere but at her.

Kate scrutinized him, noticing the flash of pain he tried to hide. "We broke up."

His eyes widened and he gasped, "That's great! I mean… that's terrible." But he couldn't seem to hide his pleasure or relief at the news completely.

"Maybe something in between." She was smiling though, at him.

He studied her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." But her features were peaceful, betraying no anger or even sadness.

She hesitated, then turned to face him, her eyes appearing huge, even without makeup. For a long moment their gazes locked before she finally spoke. "You were about to tell me something, though. Something important, just before Josh came?"

He nodded slowly, staring across the room without seeing. "Yes," he turned back to her, "Yes, I was." There was a long silence where he seemed to be thinking. At length, he lifted her hand from her lap. She allowed it, stifling a tremor at his touch. His thumb massaged circles on the back of her hand, and his smile widened. "Kate, would you have dinner with me tonight?" His voice was soft, hopeful, even whimsical.

Her eyebrows knotted. "I have dinner with you every night," she said slowly, not understanding.

"No, I mean something special. A date. I'll cook." The hand holding the nightgown twitched. "You wear this—or something nice, maybe you could find something upstairs, and… We'll pretend we're at a fancy restaurant, and that I picked you up at your place and…" his voice trailed off as he noticed the glowing smile directed at him.

"You've been waiting for this haven't you?" Her voice was husky.

He seemed unable to look away. "For longer than you know."

Her smile widened as she traced the line of his jaw with one finger. "What time are you picking me up?"

"Uh, seven. No, wait… six—_five!_ I'll pick you up at five."

She had him now. He was hers, and she could not keep her face from revealing how she felt about that. "Five would be lovely." She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his cheek.

She rose and began to move away, but then stopped, turning back to him. "Rick?"

He hesitated, smiling. "Hmm?"

"If I'm going to spend the afternoon trying on clothes, I'm going to need another Percocet."

He grabbed her hand, and she stared at their joined hands in surprise. He rose, walking to her, and cupping her cheek in his palm. "Coming right up." He kissed her firmly before walking away, leaving her staring after him with a hungry look on her face.

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><p><em>I always love hearing what you think. Favorite bits? Constructive Criticism? Please leave a review. <em>


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